A shopping experience in Tesco:
– No, I don’t work here, but if I did I would happily tell you to look further than the end of your nose and find the eggs yourself.
– I used the self checkout, and found that the machine had a bigger personality than most of the retards who work there.
– Did you honestly try to pay for your shopping with an old Safeway’s ABC Card?
Bus journey home
– That’s OK Mr. Bus Driver – I didn’t really want to get off at this stop. Please continue onto a much more inconvenient stop. Also, you must continue to drive like a maniac. Seriously. No sarcasm here, sir.
– Should have drove.
Driving
– I’m sorry, are indicators optional extras on your car?
– Yes, I am driving at 20mph. Want to know why? It’s simply because I think you’re a bit of a plank for driving up my trumpet for the past ten minutes, so I decided it would be nice of me to slow down to make it much easier for you to keep up with me. Maybe, if we work together, we could spend the rest of our journeys touching bumpers. How fun would that be?
– How much for petrol?
Home life
– Actually, now you have bought it up, there are three things I would change about you: your face, your personality and your address.
B.S. Entertainments 