Quoting the story from the BBC:
“One of the mysteries about the outbreak of the particularly vicious strain of E. coli is that most of the victims have been women….
…Scientists simply do not know why.”
I may have a theory on that, if anyone is interested?
Dear White Van Man,
You may remember me from this morning. You see, you and I came into close contact at a mini roundabout in New Cross (thats down in Laaaaandan, if you were unsure). Because of this near miss, I though I would write this open letter to you to make something clear.
On a mini roundabout (or any roundabout, in fact), it is the driver coming from your right who has right of way. If you were to use the eyes in your, quite clearly, vacant head, you would see that I had my right indicator on, which suggests that I am about to turn right.
What you did, however, was drive aimlessly onto the roundabout (I’m assuming with your eyes closed and your hands covering your eyes just to make double sure nothing gets through) and if it were not for my quick reactions, you would have had a Renault Scenic shaped dent in your white van.
May I take this time to suggest that you re-start your lessons, and in closing I would like to express my feelings on the incident. I was going to use expletives, but I have taken a lot of time to calm down, and thoroughly think through what I want to say. As a result, my well thought through, highly educated opinion on the incident (with the help of a thesaurus) is this: you’re a prat.
Kindest regards,
Benny Smyth
I’m not. So I had a gentle rib at Adele. It’s all part and parcel of life. I actually quite like Adele’s music, and I am a fan of both her albums. First there was 19 (which was produced when she was 19), then there is 21 (which was produced when she was, you guessed it, 21) and I think they are both fantastic.
Even the album titles are great – two key numbers in her life that are very important to her. In fact, I have it on good authority that her next album will be entitled 46.
It’s her BMI.
I’ve just come back from my bank holiday weekend in Pakistan.
I had to go see a man about a dog. I killed him. And the Americans killed the dog.
I really did. It was absolutely hilarious.
Unfortunately, it was one of those ‘you had to be there’ moments. I’m sure you know that phrase – it’s the one we all use as a ‘get-out cause’, when an anecdote hasn’t quite kicked off the way we were hoping.
Anyway, it would be a waste of everyone’s time if I told you as (like I said) you had to be there, so I won’t bother.
To be honest, I don’t even know why I bothered bringing it up.
As this is the season of giving (and receiving), I have uploaded my latest mix of Dance, Pop & RnB for your enjoyment.
I wasn’t going to share it, but Santa told me I should.
I was talking to a friend of mine, and he managed to blurt out what could very well be the most genius quote of all time:
I’m not being funny, but this country is going to pot without it’s spine and testicles. We need a proper leader. Someone like…I dunno…Hitler. He was pretty ballsy.
I thought the use of the word ‘ballsy’ was particularly genius, bearing in mind that Hitler only had one ball…
I should imagine this is what it would be like to be friends with Karl Pilkington.
A shopping experience in Tesco:
- No, I don’t work here, but if I did I would happily tell you to look further than the end of your nose and find the eggs yourself.
- I used the self checkout, and found that the machine had a bigger personality than most of the retards who work there.
- Did you honestly try to pay for your shopping with an old Safeway’s ABC Card?
Bus journey home
- That’s OK Mr. Bus Driver – I didn’t really want to get off at this stop. Please continue onto a much more inconvenient stop. Also, you must continue to drive like a maniac. Seriously. No sarcasm here, sir.
- Should have drove.
Driving
- I’m sorry, are indicators optional extras on your car?
- Yes, I am driving at 20mph. Want to know why? It’s simply because I think you’re a bit of a plank for driving up my trumpet for the past ten minutes, so I decided it would be nice of me to slow down to make it much easier for you to keep up with me. Maybe, if we work together, we could spend the rest of our journeys touching bumpers. How fun would that be?
- How much for petrol?
Home life
- Actually, now you have bought it up, there are three things I would change about you: your face, your personality and your address.
